if i run, i’ll remember you
and the sound of your laugh,
even though i wish i could forget.
i’ll remember your voice and the way
it made me feel
all soft and warm, like how you look
in your sweaters and turtlenecks.
if i run, please know
i know how it’ll hurt you, and it will
hurt me too. it might destroy me
but better me than you,
you (beautiful, precious, lovely, do you know
how you make me feel?) deserved
better than someone like me.
if i run and leave you behind,
i hope you’ll know that i did it
because i love
you and i can’t bring you down
with me when i explode,
shrapnel and acid soaring
as i sink into myself.
if i run and disappear,
i’ll keep my confessions in my head
and feelings spilling into my lungs,
because you make me feel warm
but i could drown in fire.
i wanted to burn,
wanted to bury myself in fantasies
of your smile and stolen hoodies,
warm hands in mine and even warmer
words (beautiful, precious, lovely,
all the things that i am not) ghosting
across my barricaded heart,
and i think i could’ve let my walls down
for you. if you asked,
i would have
stayed, would have done anything
you wanted.
but i don’t think you would.
something not totally depressing! i don't really like this one all that much heh but i wanted to post something that isn't super depressing so here's this one that's... sad? it's sad instead of depressing? i dunno. i'll probably stick with my depressing writing eheh but i hope you like this!
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