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let's talk ships

In honor of my least favorite holiday, I'll be talking about shipping and my feelings on fanships! Disclaimer that I do love the aesthetics of Valentine's Day but I hate the concept.

So, ships! There are so many ships. In American media, we have Stucky, Spideypool, Stony, SuperBat, TimKon, JayRoy, Drarry, and more. From anime, we have BakuDeku and the dozens of other MHA ships, KageHina and the hundreds of other Haikyuu ships, SabiGiyuu, Soukoku, Hideki, Ereri, MikaYuu, MakoHaru, etc etc etc. Yes, I looked up the ship names for most of these because I would not have guessed Eren and Levi to be Ereri. But anyway. There's also shipping in K-Pop fandoms, which I personally think is problematic and intrusive but that's a whole other issue.

I think I've made my point, anywho. Lots of ships, and, in particular, mostly male x male ships. Whether it's Marvel, DC, anime, K-pop, the vast majority are between dudes.

Now to be clear: besides the real people ships, I don't mind. I think a lot of these ships are cute (I'm familiar with all the ones listed and I will gladly consume fancontent because it's sweet) and a lot of them could easily be canon if homophobia wasn't a thing.

So what's my issue with these? Why am I being a party pooper, a debbie downer, yada yada?

Because it brings about this narrative that two people, especially two guys, can't have a close relationship without it being romantic.

that matt.

Let's look at Stucky (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes) as an example. They clearly care about each other deeply. Bucky helped Steve before he became Captain America, Steve rescues Bucky, Steve is devastated when he supposedly loses Bucky. Bucky is always there for Steve, he cheers him on, and even when he's the Winter Soldier he can't bring himself to kill Steve. The whole "I'm with you till the end of the line" would be the perfect setup for a romance plotline. Like come on, Marvel, that's a childhood friends to lovers just waiting to happen.

Bakugou and Midoriya

Or there's BakuDeku (Bakugou/Midoriya). Perfect childhood friends and/or enemies to lovers. We see that Midoriya cares for Bakugou a lot, and we see that despite everything Bakugou does trust Midoriya. Without spoiling too much, it's obvious that they have a really deep relationship, beyond that of just friendship. Yes, despite the bullying and Bakugou's temper and all that. There's something called growth, people. But anyway, back on topic. Bakugou and Midoriya also have a ton of material that, if one of them was a girl, would've made it extremely likely to be an endgame couple. And it does work within the context of canon.


Except... why can't they "just" be friends? I would absolutely do any of these for my friends. I might not say stuff like "I'm with you till the end of the line" (also because I'm not a fictional character), but the sentiment is certainly there.

What it boils down to is a combination of 1) apparently men can't have close friendships without it being romantic and 2) the line between platonic and romantic love is much more blurry and closer to nonexistent than most people think. So let's break these down some more.

First: men can't have close friendships without it being romantic. We live in a pretty sexist world, and sexism doesn't only affect women. Men still aren't allowed to display emotions (especially "weak" emotions like sadness and affection) without being called "pussy," "gay," "not manly" yada yada derogatory derogatory. Which is nonsense. But you get my point. The moment that men show affection and/or vulnerability towards each other it's immediately OH MY GOSH THEY'RE IN LOVE!!! Because if you frame affection and vulnerability as something that men can only show to each other in romantic relationships, it maintains the idea that it's something gay and by extension, not applicable to the average straight dude. To allow straight male friendships that openly show (platonic) love is to force people to realize that emotions aren't "gay," they're human. And this is often subconscious as well from how society paints men. I once read an article by someone who said that the reason why many fans ship K-pop idols is that it's so rare to see that kind of open (especially physical) affection in western cultures. So basically, framing all displays of emotion as "gay" (whether positive or negative) helps maintain a division between straight and gay, manly and pussy, strong and weak. Which is stupid.

Obviously this only applies to male x male ships, but it also draws attention to how the vast majority of fanships tend to be between guys. There are a few (MomoJirou and Harlivy are the only two that really come to mind), but significantly less than the gay ships, and they certainly get a lot less attention. Just look through the fan content for shows like MHA or DC. It's mostly the dudes. Harlivy is canon and it still gets less spotlight than content for ships like TimKon or JayRoy. Why is that? Probably because we're a lot more used to seeing close female friendships. Because of the way our society is structured (aka sexist nonsense), girls are allowed to have close friendships with vulnerability and physical affection. This is an area where guys get the short end of the sexist straw. So when we see two girls in a close relationship, we're more ready to accept that it's just friendship because it fits into our concept of what a female friendship can be. If it's two guys in the same level of closeness, showing the same kinds of emotions, it doesn't fit what we've been told a male friendship has to be. Again, society sucks and sexism sucks. Let dudes be soft and gentle and affectionate, it's not weak. But I'm getting distracted. I hope I've made my point with this!

So onto the second point: platonic vs. romantic love. There isn't as much of a difference as society claims there is. As I said earlier, I would do a lot of these "romance coded" things for my friends. Not leaving? Protecting them? Risking my life for them? In a heartbeat. I've written poems and stories that sound like (romantic) love letters but I wrote them with my friends in mind. The only true difference between platonic and romantic love is intention.

Kirishima reaching his hand out for Bakugou

The iconic reaching out moment for KiriBaku?

Could be platonic or romantic; it depends on intention.




Steve Rogers saying "Because I'm with you till the end of the line" to Bucky

"Till the end of the line"?


Could be platonic or romantic.





Kageyama and Hinata

The undeniable closeness and trust of KageHina's relationship?


Could be platonic or romantic.



It's the intention that matters.


I don't have an issue with shipping (unless you're shipping illegal/objectively disgusting gross relationships or real people who aren't in a relationship). I just wanted to call attention to the fact that a lot of the moments used as "evidence" for why a pair is definitely a couple are more often than just evidence that the two (or more) are close. And especially with how feral (derogatory) some fandoms can be, it's important to remember that there is a need for close male friendships in media in addition to male romantic relationships. An author doesn't need to make a pairing romantically involved if they didn't write the characters with that intention. Not every close male relationship is romantic. And just like how it is possible for there to be close friendships between gals and dudes, it's possible for there to be close friendships between gals and between dudes.

That's all I have to say! That was my very long ramble on ships. Again, I have nothing against them, I find most of them cute. I just want people to be aware of what the implications of shipping every two characters who breathe in each other's direction. Friendship isn't any less than romance! A friend doesn't inherently mean more or less than a significant other. So please just remember that! Have a great rest of the week and, with Valentine's Day coming up, if you're single don't stress about it! I'm not a self-care/self-love/motivational blogger so I don't really know what to say but uhhh. You're worthy of love! You are loved! I love you if you're reading this! So don't be sad on Valentine's Day. Buy yourself lots of chocolate (if you like chocolate) and/or alcohol (if you're of legal age/like alcohol) when it goes on sale the day after and remember that you're an amazing human. :)) See ya next week!

 

completely unrelated, but i wanted to note that i could not find an actual screenshot (from a google search) where you can see both bucky and steve's faces, and they both look happy. which is... unfortunate.

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